Not Ready for the Ring

It’s a harmless question. It only seems natural that two people who have been together for so long will be getting hitched soon, even if they are kind of young. And I don’t mean not-legal-to-drink young, more like, “I still have three-fourths of my life left to live” young.

written by Rebecca Doran

When this question comes up, I simply explain that I’m not at a point in my life where I want to be married. I don’t feel my biological clock ticking. I don’t feel like another human being validates my existence. And I don’t feel like either of us is quite mature enough, separately, to become essentially one living being. Then all of the questioners applaud my maturity and tell me how they wish more “young people” thought like that.

Next holiday, birthday or wedding season comes around and the same people ask the same question. Here’s a hint: If I don’t have a ring on my finger yet, it’s because I don’t want it— probably for the same reason as last time.

I know many people my age and younger who are getting married and engaged, and I just don’t understand it. I’m not quite ready to give up being relatively selfish just yet, knowing that I’ll spend more than half of my life putting someone else’s needs before mine. That’s why people get married, because that one person is more important to you than yourself. 

I still want time to be selfish and make mistakes. I want to be dumb and suffer the consequences. I’m not ready to suffer the consequences of another person’s mistakes though. I can hardly handle my own. And I think that’s okay. 

I’ve always been told, “when you know, you know” and I just don’t “know” yet. 

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